I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
