My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
