Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
