I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
