I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
