So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
