guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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