And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
