I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
handjob tips. give me some.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
