I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
