took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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