Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
