i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
