does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
