Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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