he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
they're like a gay fantastic four
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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