did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
