i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
