just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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