i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
