I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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