I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
