The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
