We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize