There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just invented taco cereal.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Randomize
