just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
