My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
