Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
