Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
