Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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