I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
