This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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