Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
