I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
