I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
BRING THE BAGELS
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
