Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
