i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
