Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So vagazzling was a success
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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