my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
