Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
