I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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