OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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