I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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