Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
