I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
