i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
