So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
