You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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