There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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