Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
