i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize