wrigley field is MILF paradise
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
