dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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