At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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