yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
