I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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