the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
