Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
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I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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