I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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