Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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