actually, I'm a sock model
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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