we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
