I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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