Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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