I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
