yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
