Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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