i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
