What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
