Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
