i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
