Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
