that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
