matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize