i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.