i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
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hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that