Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
even my farts smell like vagina
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.