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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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