this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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