I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
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At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on