THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
