So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
