He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
